stories

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."

A call comes in...............I'm a dad in distress, I live in Wagga, I'm having trouble getting to see my kids. I have court orders but my ex continues to deny me access, what do I do ? I don't have money for a lawyer. I miss my kids, I don't feel like going on, is there a dids group here or someone I can talk to...............

Hi, My wife left me for another man about 7 months ago. At the start she gave me access to my little daughter who is four. But over the time she has denied me access by making all sorts of excuses as to why I couldn't see my little girl. Now she says she wants to move on with her life and doesn't want me in the picture. I love my little girl and only want to continue to see her and be her father. It now seems her mother has chosen a new father. Am I supposed to just walk away and forget my little girl. I can't, I love her. Can you help? I live in north Queensland.

I'm definitely a dad in distress, I'm, angry, I'm upset, I'm frustrated at a system that seems to forget father's. We seem to be at the bottom level. I cannot afford to continue fighting through the courts when all my ex seems to do is breach orders time and again and gets a slap on the hand and then goes out and does it again. I have three kids who I adore but I am ready to walk away. There is no justice in this country for fathers going through a divorce. Is there a group near here I live in Albury Victoria.

Hello my name is Robert, I am having trouble seeing my two young children 3 & 2 years old, It is causing great distress and I am having trouble sleeping which is affecting other areas of my life. I have seen a doctor and his answer was anti depressants. Yes I'm depressed, I miss my children. I just need someone to talk to. I have tried the mensline and they were a help. But I feel the need to talk to someone who has been through what I'm feeling. I have heard of the great work your organisation has been doing. Is there a group near here. I really feel I'm at the end of the road. I'm not suicidal yet, but it wouldn't take much to tip me. I need to talk. I live in Dubbo.

Hi, are there any support groups like dids in Townsville?
I am a mother in distress, with a family that is stretched to the limit. Our son age 35 has suffered a marriage break up after 9 years, has 4 children 18 mths,3, 5, 7 and has not been allowed back into his family home since his ex wife admitted him to a clinic last Oct because he was suicidal. The wife and his ex best mate, who was living in the house since his own marriage break down in May of last year, you guessed it, are now living in a defacto relationship, still in the family home. My family is in disarray, and we don't know where to go, he is still emotionally very frail. His lawyer says he is wallowing in self pity. Where is there for us? His dad and the rest of us are all emotionally in crisis and financially strapped too. Is this something you can help with...............

Hi, I know your organisation is for dads in distress and I am not sure exactly what you do but I have been told that you reunite fathers with their children. I am 18 in 6 weeks time. My father and mother separated when I was 5 years old and I have had no contact with him since. My mother hid all his photos from me and won't give me his birthdate. I have now found out his details and would like to seek some closure. I have no relationship with my mother and was kicked out of home when I was 13. My friends asked me what I wanted for my birthday and all I really want is closure. I just would like to know that he's out there somewhere and my brothers have had to grow up not even knowing who there father is. My youngest brother was only 4 weeks old when my mother left my father. Can you help ?...............

Hi, it's Rob here. I just want to say thanks. You guys have changed my perspective. Since contacting you guys the help you have given has enabled me to get on with my life. I now see my kids regularly and that just wouldn't have been possible without the combined knowledge and assistance you guys provided. I was one of those ready to drive off a cliff when I contacted you. I just want to thank you and I want to say thanks for my kids. Dad is back and dad is staying...............

Gday, I too was once a dad in distress where I thought the only way out was to throw a rope over the back tree and do myself in. If there was ever a rock bottom in my life it was the divorce, the family court, solicitors that keep pounding me with demands but most of all the loss of my children. I have a complete understanding of the Family Court now as I have been there 22 times. The more I was knocked down the more I got back up. Why I believe your organisation seems to be focussing on the most needed area is that last time I was in the Family court awaiting my own matter to be heard, the acting solicitor for the children told of how the father committed suicide.Then I realised that noone there really cared, not one little bit, the court just kept moving through case by case, like it was nothing. I remember feeling like that. I want to help...............

These are just a minute example of the emails, phone calls, letters we receive each and every day from mums, dads, kids who desperately seek our help. Very shortly our politicians will make some decisions that will affect nearly 50% of the population of this country.

I have a question I would like to ask. How is it that our ex wife's new partners have more access to our children than we as fathers do?

I ask again How is it that a new person can come on the scene who we know absolutely nothing about but yet is given free access to our children and we as fathers must apply to the courts for permission to allow that same access.

Let's face it, the system is just not working in it's present form. We were asking for 50/50. In reality all we really wanted was to be guaranteed the right to see our children for a substantial amount of time. We want the right to have involvement in our children's lives. Yes, shock horror, why shouldn't we have that right. It seems it's ok to father a child but then because someone falls out of love and ends a relationship you than ask us to just walk away from fatherhood. What's the message you are sending fathers. What's the message you are sending our children.

Every father going trough this tragedy knows that even if he is lucky enough and yes it's pure luck or money, in most cases, that he receives orders through the court to see his children for any decent length of time, that those orders in reality are not worth the paper they are written on, unless his ex partner abides by them. We hear from more and more fathers who are making cash payments to their ex partners in order to see their children. It's cheaper than a lawyer and at least you are guaranteed that you will see your children. We hear from fathers who have been reduced to supervised contact who now find that because the contact centre's are low on funding they have to wait yet again to see their children. Where does it end..........

I ask that every politician that is involved in this decision making process that tonight when you get home if you have children give them a special hug and kiss and then close your eyes and imagine them gone from you're day to day life.

Imagine you have no say in where they now live or with whom.

Imagine that you have no say in where they are going to school or whom they associate with.

Imagine that you are now relegated to every second weekend access to them, if you're lucky.

Imagine that the access is conditional on the whim of an angry ex wife and her new partner.

Imagine it's Christmas and it's not your year and someone who you know absolutely nothing about is handing the presents out from under the tree to your children.

Imagine it's your 6 year olds birthday and you get to spend a lousy 2 hours with him again, if you're lucky, after driving 7 hours because they have relocated.

Imagine night after night, going home to an empty house and sitting on the bed in the children's room looking at a picture of your little girl who you haven't seen for three years.

Imagine standing in a court room for the very first time, knowing as a father you have little chance of winning but somehow stirring up the courage to fight to see your children.

Imagine what it's like to be now deemed as a violent person, a perpetrator, an abuser.

Imagine you are now deemed mentally ill because you are suffering from separation grief.

Imagine you now have the CSA climbing all over you for child support for the children you never see.

Imagine waiting patiently for someone, anyone to help you, to understand how you feel let down as a father.

Imagine waiting for a Government to come to it's senses and make the decision that will allow you and your children to continue that father son/ daughter relationship.

Just Imagine.

We don't have to imagine, we live it every day...............


Yes it's about what's in the best interest of the children and surely allowing them to continue the relationship with both mum and dad is in their best interest. Kids need both mum and dad in their day to day lives.They also need their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc from both sides. We are simply dads in distress asking for a fair go. We do not wish for our children to go through what we have.
Just imagine that's possible...............

Tony Miller Founder Dads in Distress

We need a human law. A law that fits the way we live now. A way that reflects the differing versions of family that we have but that still generates love and kindness and compassion. A law that does not take away the happiness of the remaining years of our grandparents lives and allows them to continue to contribute to our society by helping us to raise our children. A law that lets mums be mothers and dads be fathers. Both nurturing, both loving their children, perhaps outwardly differently but inside with the same intensity and passion. Different but the same - an equality of difference.
This new law must reflect exactly that...............

Sir Bob Geldof

What is now proved was once only imagined...............William Blake 1757

Good-bye
Letter written by a mate

Christmas Eve 1999
How Dads in Distress begun

The pain of non-custodial fatherhood
By Rev. David B. Smith

In Loving Memory Of Andrew T. Renouf
Father Commits Suicide

Family in despair
Grandparents fight for two little boys

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