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News & Events - December 2004
26 December 2004, The Sunday Times (Ireland), Street protests over Irish child custody ruling
By Dearbhail McDonald
A protest campaign has been launched over the decision of an Irish
court to award custody of a young child to his father, with whom he
has not lived for most of his life.
The child, who cannot be identified for legal reasons, has lived
with his mother since she and her boyfriend broke up in acrimonious
circumstances almost five years ago.
In a recent decision, a judge granted full custody to the father
after hearing evidence, detailed in a psychiatrist's report, that
the child was unduly influenced into disliking his father.
The case is understood to be one of an increasing number of custody
battles in Ireland in which the controversial Parental Alienation
Syndrome (PAS) has been raised. The term was coined in the 1970s by
Richard Gardner, an American psychiatrist, and refers to
the "brainwashing" of a child by a parent.
Supporters of the mother in the case have been involved in street
protests, one of the first instances of direct action against the
operation of Ireland's family law courts.
A 100-strong group of supporters also met and agreed to petition the
relevant authorities about the case. Almost 300 letters have been
sent to health board and social service officials and to Mary
Harney, the minister for health, and Michael McDowell, the minister
for justice. Bertie Ahern, the taoiseach, and Mary Banotti, a former
MEP and mediator who intervened in the Dylan Benwell abduction saga,
have also been briefed by campaigners.
At the moment, family law hearings are heard in private, mainly with
a view to protecting the identity of children involved in child
custody, abduction, incest, domestic violence and divorce cases. The
degree of secrecy that surrounds such cases is about to be eased,
however, to allow data to be gathered on family issues.
In future, details of the cases will be made available to the media
andpublic, but without identifying the people involved.
Apart from revealing trends in separation, divorce and custody
rulings, the relaxation of the "in camera" rule will show for the
first time how district courts treat cases of alleged domestic
violence.
The new laws will bring family courts into line with other areas of
law, allowing judgments, evidence, witness statements and expert
testimonies to be subject to public scrutiny.
The proposed relaxation of the secrecy ban has been welcomed by
family support groups. Liam O'Gogain, the chairman of Parental
Equality, said that, in the current environment, "there is no
protection of privacy for families in these situations. Family law
courts sit in local towns where everyone knows everyone else's
business. Their private lives become the subject of a chinese
whispers. It is a fallacy that children and families are being
protected.
"The only people protected by the privacy rule are the paid
professionals, including judges, solicitors, social workers and
psychiatrists."
Groups representing fathers who feel they have been discriminated
against in family courts have been particularly supportive of the
change in procedure. In recent years, they have become increasingly
militant in a bid to highlight what they say are often arbitrary
decisions to separate them from their children. In the UK, members
of the group Fathers 4 Justice have been involved in a number of
high-profile protests to gain publicity for their cause, including
scaling Buckingham Palace in a Batman suit.
Counsellors also believe that making information on family cases
available would help to highlight how destructive custody battles
can be.
"It is distressing how vindictive some parents can be," said Bernie
Purcell, a counsellor who treats troubled teenagers at the Roebuck
centre in Dublin. The "viciousness and havoc" that warring parents
wreak on their offspring during separation and custody battles often
leaves children with emotional scars for life, she said. "The
parents might feel hurt and bruised by the long-term effects of an
acrimonious break up, but children have to cope with psychological
dilemmas that they can't possibly cope with. Tragically, many
children end up in psychiatric care as a result."
22 December 2004, The Scotsman, Still suffering in silence
By Paul Bowen*
Most may be too humiliated to report it, but Paul Bowen bears testimony to
the fact that men endure domestic abuse at the hands of their female
partners.
A colleague came back from a year in Minneapolis and told us a funny story
- at least, we laughed at the time. He and his wife had moved into a
quiet, academic neighbourhood, blank-faced houses, modest cars, polite kids. The
only blot was the noise that came from a neighbour's house late at night.
Every couple of weeks, past midnight, a woman screamed and shouted
incoherently for half an hour or so and then fell quiet.
The first time it happened, my friend and his wife watched through the
curtains the following morning as next door's husband briskly walked to
his car and drove off to work. The wife appeared an hour or so later, head
down, seemingly dejected. The bastard was clearly abusing her. The pattern
repeated for a time, until my friend's wife could take no more and ordered
him to phone the police. They failed to appear, so he dressed and walked
across the street. It became clear that the sounds - that familiar
screaming, but now a scuffle as well and what seemed like falling blows -
were coming not from the house itself but from the built-in garage. He
knocked but got no answer and so he pulled the door up and over.
Initially oblivious to him were a man and screaming woman. The roles were,
however, the reverse of what he had expected. The man lay in a foetal
position on the garage floor while his wife beat him with what turned out
to be a kettle flex, screeching like a banshee with every blow. My friend
restored order and got the half-dressed man to his feet. The couple were
pretty much silent, but the man insisted that even if the police came, he
wouldn't speak to them. It was a private matter. They arrived moments
later, smilingly assessed the scene and took my friend outside. What was
he doing out at this time of night? What kind of crazy accent is that you
have there, si
The moral of all this was, predictably: never intervene in a "domestic,"
especially if you don't know what kind of domestic it is. We laughed quite
a bit. As an anecdote, it has obvious comic potential. It seemed less
funny a few years later when I became the target of domestic violence myself at
the hands of a partner. Nothing as exotic as a kettle flex was used, but
along with fists, nails and feet, a variety of kitchen utensils came into
play, as well as boiling water, thrown books and CD cases.
There's no surprise in the next bit. None of these assaults were ever
reported. I'd known at least one female colleague come to work with
blackened eyes and swollen lips that had nothing to do with Botox, and
pass off the whole thing as walking into doors, mysterious falls and even
badminton injuries, badminton being notorious as a full-contact sport. For
a man, it's much easier to camouflage facial injuries behind stories of
football games and scuffles in the pub. I even once reverted to the old
Spinal Tap line and passed off a nicked and criss-crossed face as "a
bizarre gardening accident".
Men die needlessly of testicular cancer because they're too embarrassed to
go to the doctor. Men put up with domestic violence because they are too
humiliated to go to the police. But there is an additional element,
perhaps flagged up by that Minneapolis incident. Assume the police arrive. What do
they see? A six-foot-one man allegedly beaten by a five-foot-five woman?
It's a bit like hearing on the sports channel that Lennox Lewis has been
stopped in five by Bonnie Langford. Men fail to report domestic assault
for the simple reason that they don't expect to be believed.
There are easy, liberal responses to the whole issue. One is that the
incidence of female-male violence is "probably" so rare that it isn't
statistically significant. Another, quoted to me by a leading American
feminist, is that such reports are actually an elaborate cover-up for male
violence, perpetrator posing as victim. Others simply use a provocation
defence, saying that some drunken, unfaithful husbands are happy to play
rope-a-dope for a while, just to let the old girl work off some righteous
anger, knowing that - like that woman in Minnesota, presumably - she'll be
abjectly ashamed the next day.
All these have logic and possibly experience on their side, but they dodge
very basic questions, such as: how common is female against male domestic
violence? According to one recently published report, approximately 34 per
cent of domestic assaults are committed by female partners. The obvious
difficulty with this is what the percentage represents: the number of
reported cases, or an extrapolation from the few where men have come
forward? There's also no clear indication whether the problem extends
significantly to same-sex relationships. The same report suggested that a
pioneering male refuge in London was oversubscribed by 1,000 per cent.
That suggests an untapped "market" or else, as one cynic hinted, that men will
use the place as a crash-pad when they're too scared to go home for quite
legitimate reasons; for which, see above.
The complexities of the issue become even sharper when, as a recent
American court case revealed, a reported assault on a woman was actually
the culmination of a period of sustained violence committed by her. Woman
strikes man; no apparent backlash or sanction. Woman strikes man many
times; same. Man gets fed up with the abuse and strikes woman; uniforms
all over the house, handcuffs and court. It's a formula guaranteed to drive
the problem still further underground.
On the issue of belief and credibility, there are signs of change. Police
cadets are now routinely told that a zero tolerance policy is
gender-blind.
One Edinburgh lawyer who has given seminars at the police academy says
that attitudes are changing. But is behaviour changing too? Is there any
indication that women are more inclined to violence than they were, or
were perceived to be? There is already a skewed moral accounting when women are
convicted of violence or association with violence. Myra Hindley was a
more potent hate figure than Ian Brady because she was female. Maxine Carr has
commanded far more headlines than the actual Soham murderer Ian Huntley.
Is there quite simply more testosterone out there, and in unexpected
places? Scientific American and New Scientist have both noted research
which suggests a significant hormonal change in the general population,
whether for evolutionary or purely environmental reasons, nobody seems to
know.
The long-term upshot is unclear, though possibly indicated by a falling
birth-rate, but both sources cite the possibility of increased female
violence.
It wouldn't take much paranoia to suspect a touch of clever
counter-intuitive thinking here, a subtle anti-feminist strategy. What
better way of minimising the problem of domestic violence against women
than saying they do it, too. Or even that they started it. It would be
easier still to write the whole thing off as a personal whine,
over-the-shoulder revenge for old wrongs. For me, the only thing that
matters is that I'm not there any more. The bruise on my temple was the
clothes pulley. The scratch on my face was a bizarre gardening accident. I
don't expect to be believed now any more than I expected to be then. The
knowledge that I used to be quite handy with my fists doesn't serve me
particularly well. The fact that my father and grandfather drummed into me
a taboo against any form of discourtesy, let alone violence, towards women
doesn't count as defence. Did I ever retaliate? Yes, feebly, and received
a further thrashing from my conscience afterwards.
With the exception of a young and committed Edinburgh lawyer, inevitably
speaking off the record, nobody wanted to talk about this, though it may
be that one or two of the interested bodies do "get back to me" after this is
published. The deafening silence merely confirms the prejudice and the
ignorance. But there is a hopeful, possibly utopian strain to all this.
Zero tolerance is an excellent policy, but doomed unless it is
gender-blind. Only when the whole issue of domestic violence, irrespective
of age, sex, position in family and socio-economic status, is dealt with
impartially will the problem be solved. A few more men are going to have
to make the call, and stand on the front step in full view of the neighbours
with a hanky to their bloody noses. Otherwise, everyone's at risk.
* Paul Bowen is a pseudonym.
20 December 2004, The real things about Christmas
Hi Guys,
I would like to tell you all what happened to me today.
I took my 3 girls Christmas shopping today and we decided we would get a photo with Santa. When we got to the shopping centre he was not there yet. So we went shopping first as we were walking around the shop my 6 year old stopped I said to her come on, she paused and said I thought of a great idea but I just need to remember it. Me trying to hurry her up as I just wanted to get out of there. She said I remember it. Can I buy some chocolates for Santa as he gives everyone lollies and no one gives him anything. I thought it was a fair request so we got a box of chocolates and headed out to see Santa.
When we got there, there was a big line up so we waited and waited the girls were very patient and when it finally came to our turn the girls gave him the chocolates. He did not understand so the 6 year old explained the chocolates. Santa's eyes lit up and he got down of his throne and gave the girls a huge hug. He then came over and thanked me for the chocolates. I said don't thank me it was the girls idea. He then told me how he had noticed the girls waiting in line very patiently and how well mannered they were (by this time the photographer was getting very impatient).
The girls had their photo taken and Santa kept on talking with the girls. The
photographer and Santa had words and it seemed Santa won. After some time Santa said he would have to say goodbye and he came back over to where I was standing and thanked me again and said it would be his best Christmas and he would never forget what the girls had done for him.
As I walked away the line was huge I felt bad that we had spent so much time
with him. I didn't think they had done anything that great, but it goes to show
that the simplest things can be the best for some people.
I love my girls.
James (Newcastle)
What James wrote is really what Christmas is all about. Below is how I found out.............
Way back when we started Dads in Distress, I was at a meeting sharing with the other guys that this year was going to be a lean Christmas. I shared that I had
promised the kids a tree last year and that I just didn't have the money
again this year. I had explained this to the kids and that they would
have to wait a few weeks for their Christmas presents as well. The kids,
all but disappointed, understood. Gave me a cuddle and said "don't worry
dad, next year will be better". We all shared our particular stories, some guys had their kids over Christmas, some didn't. For some it was a time of joy and for others a time of great sadness. Anyway we decided to have a BBQ at my place the
following weekend, the weekend before Christmas.
The weekend came and the guys started to arrive. One guy walked in with a
Christmas tree on his shoulder and plonked it firmly in the corner of my
one room flat. Then one by one the guys arrived with presents wrapped up
with cards on them made out to my children with love from DAD. No one said
anything, no one had to. Some of those guys were not going to see their
kids that Christmas.
My kids didn't know it then, but they had more dads that Christmas than
they will ever know and I had more mates than I realised............
I still have that same tree, I am looking at it now, we pull it out every
year, the base is broken but we stand it in a pot with some bricks and
string to keep it standing straight. I can now afford a new one but
somehow this old tree reminds me of the real things about
Christmas........all the James', the Jims, Johns, Daryls, Daves, Wassas, Wals, Peters, Craigs, Steves, Michaels, Gabrieles, Rhondas etc, too many to mention here, all the volunteers that make up Dads in Distress.
I want to thank you for giving up your time in order to lend a hand to
the fellow who sits next to you in a meeting or who cry's out to you on
the other end of a phone line. I want to thank you for intervening and
saving lives. I want to thank you for saving mine, I want to thank you for
being mates.........to many...
A special thank you to Steve Westh and Jessica Douglas Henry and the
crew from Film Australia for you're understanding and patience in filming
a part of our lives, that many of us wish had turned out differently, but
none the less needed to be recorded for the sake of our children.
And to All those who have assisted us during the year, All those who write
and send emails, all the grandmums and granddads, and all the kids who
contact searching for dads lost, Dads in Distress would like to wish you
a very Merry Christmas and we hope and pray you find the happiness you
are looking for in the new year..............
If you are fortunate enough to have your children over Christmas, give
them an extra hug from those of us who don't. And if you can spare a
couple of dollars, wrap up a present, sign it, with love from dad, and
put it under a tree at your local church, Lifeline, St Vincent De Paul,
Salvation Army or charity.
You have all made such a difference to our lives and that of our children's lives, we are so often caught up in our destination, that we forget to appreciate the journey, especially the goodness of the people we meet on the way,
Thank you for being part of our journey..............................
Tony Miller Founder Dads in Distress
Below are some mixed messages, just a few of those sent to us, most regarding our Christmas message, some of great sadness, some of great frustration, some from grandparents, some from mums, some from dad's and some from children. I ask that you take a little time out and read them.
I really don't want to say that Dids will grow over the coming year, but sadly that's a reality.
This is to all those at the coalface, And there are many behind the scenes and to all those father's group's who are involved in trying to bring a fairness to an unfair system. 2005 is the year of dad. You are helping to make our country a better place for our children.
Tony Miller Founder Dads in Distress
Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though chequered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in that grey twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat...........Roosevelt
I cant stop the tears.......how can society be so ignorant and blind
when what it really craves is so close at hand but for an ounce of
common sense and a few seconds reflection.....are we really so out of
touch.....I am ashamed to be an adult . xxxxxxxxx
You got me crying Tony, you really touched me.
This letter is the best Christmas present ever for me and everybody......
to know Christmas is not that commercial thing but people take time for each
other, care for each other and help each other (and they do not only on
Christmas).
xxxxxxx
Thank you Tony for being now a part in my life
Crying like a baby right now. Thank you!
xxxxxxxxx
Tony,
That was one of the most beautiful letters I have ever read. May your Christmas be filled with the sort of happiness you manage to bring to so many people. Mate, when you need me, I'm there.
With every best wish, xxxxxxxx
Dear Tony ,
the message was past on to us from xxxxxxx
We are the grandparents of two little Australian boys who have been sexually abused by their mother and her boyfriend . Since our son is aware of the situation he is fighting for his children like mad , he wants them save .
We have read your stories about Christmas and it touched our hearts , since we are not having our grandchildren with us this year .But we had them last year and we made it a rememberable Christmas for them which they hopefully want forget and has made them strong enough while we fight on for them .
We attach our family drama perhaps you and some Dads come up with an Idea we haven't thought of yet .
Although we may have some experience we could pass on as well , to help other Dads .
To everyone all the Best for Christmas and for the New Year .
Never give up in something you believe in !
Thanks for the Christmas message, Tony.
I hope 2005 is good for you and DIDS. I have had a mixed year but on balance better than previous
years. My appointment has run out and so I am now unemployed or better, retired. I may now have more time to help you as required.
Merry Xmas to you and the boys.
Cheers xxxxxxxxxx
May the year ahead bring all that your heart desires and may it also see us gaining a little more of what we each cherish most in our quiet hearts.
Wishing you all the best wishes of the season and a big thankyou for the fine decent work you are doing for all of us, it is heart fully appreciated.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yours Sincerely, xxxxxxxxxxxxx
DIDS STUDENT, IN THE CLASS OF LIFE !
Tony,
Thanks for this email. It really did hit home the true importance of
events like Christmas. It brought tears to my eyes. I wont have my baby
girl for Christmas this year and it hurts like hell. She is only four
and Christmas is still such a big thing for us to share. Its such a
horrible experience to know that I will wake up Christmas morning
without her. Lucky for me I will have my parents and sister to support
me. Thank-you so much for your emails throughout the year, they are a
wonderful source of information and they enable me to stay well abreast
of developments in Family Law reform. Have a great Christmas and a happy
new year.
Thanks a lot xxxxxx
Dear Tony
Just a short note to wish all the Dads out there a Merry Christmas.
I think your organisation is doing a wonderful job.
xxx and I are just about out of the Child Support System ( at last xxxxx son being 18 now). But it has been a very hard 10 years for both of us ( I say both of us being the step mom) My separation and divorce was a piece of cake compared to the ones I hear if today.
It is people like yourself that make a big difference.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year xxxxx and xxxx
To Tony
On behalf of all the thousands of Dads that you have been there for, over many long sleepless nights, and never ending days, I would like to say "Thanks Mate".
For without people like you Tony, there would be no Dids today and many of us would just not make it.
Thankyou for having the vision and giving us the opportunity to share at our Dids meeting every Sunday night as hundreds do all over the east coast of Australia in search of support and someone to listen.
Even though many of us will be separated from our kids again this Christmas we know that thanks to Dids, we are still good loving and caring Dads, and yes we will be hurting inside, but "Really we are OK".
You are in inspiration to us all Tony.
Merry Christmas, from one Dad to another xxxxxx
Tony,
Thankyou for your kind words. I do have my children for Christmas and one
child all of the time and weekly access to two other children. I sometimes
find it hard to cope with all of life's demands and catch myself sometimes
think "damn got to go now and pick up the kids". What a selfish second that
proves to be each and every time. At those times I think of other Dads and
what they would give to be able to go and pick up their kids.
To all Dads in the DIDS space, I have been at the point of despair over
losing my kids and listened to threats, police interventions and endured
robbery, etc. I have had to put up with the courts, CSA and security guards
at hospitals, etc. In all that time I never failed to remember one simple
fact - I am their dad, no one can take that away. Children become adults
soon enough and when they do, they search for the truth.
The challenge of fatherhood is how you take the anger away when your
children return as little or big adults. They have come in search of the
love only a father can provide, do not use that opportunity to create anger
towards their mother. They have come looking for love do not give them
anger. They deal with all things in their way and in their time.
"Best way to beat your enemy is to live a happy and healthy life" - what
does that take???
I have learned much through DIDS involvement that is applied in my day to
day work with men. I hope in the new year to be of greater assistance to
Dids as previously discussed with you. It has taken until this time to
develop a relationship that I am happy with around my children.
Cheers
Take Care
And dare I say - love
Thank you xxxxxxxxx
Gents,
My year has been blessed meeting you guys this year. You are a very special group of heroic men. You could easily walk away and not care about the other guys going through this misery. Instead you have cared, you have listened. That is priceless. That is rare. That has made a big difference in my life. And many other lives as well. You are pioneers mapping rather challenging territory. I hope-we hope-I pray that the government finds the courage and wisdom to change the laws to give men a chance to be real dads.
I find myself with my daughter this Christmas. While that means the world to me, my heart breaks for so many of you that won't be with your kids. Next year is my year without and I can already feel the pain of that event. Together we can support, endure and grow stronger.
I know some single parents with and without kids that are getting together for Christmas. That helps everyone-all the parents and the kids. I'd encourage you all to get out of the house and spend time with friends. It is a time of joy and you heroes have been fighting a great battle. It is time for some leave of the war to recharge the batteries. Hopefully the next 12 months will be an interesting time of debate and change.
xxxxxx
P.S. Submissions still needed to Government's enquiry regarding changes to laws. Make some time to make an input and help fix our laws for future generations. We can help save them some great pain.
Tony,
I would like to thankyou for letting me be part of DIDS,I know I
can be a class clown a lot of the time but the one thing I have taken
seriously is DIDS it has helped me heaps and still is as next year will be
my final hearing, It worries the hell out of me but I try not to let it get
to me. The Guys I have met through DIDS are all great guys especially the
ones who are through their shit and are still coming because they want to
help others it shows how special they are.
Hope you have a great chrissy and new year you deserve it, I knew it would
have been hard to get DIDS to this point, I don't know if I could have done
it(you need a medal).
We (DIDS) can only grow from here. I wish thou we could close the doors and
not be needed, BUT it aint going to happen.
All the best, xxxxxxx
Subject: What a fantastic service!
Hi,
I am writing this email to congratulate you for a fantastic job in creating a support / help service to men and assisting them to achieve relationships with their children, to keep the hope and stay alive. I was actually on the web searching for Child Support issues due to my husband having a dispute over an overpayment given to his ex and stumbled onto your site. It brought tears to my eyes to read of other father's plights....a place my husband, his children and myself have also been. I can't stress enough the importance of the role your group provides. Men need support so that they can be there for their children, because children need their dad's just as much as they need their mum's.
We were a couple of years ago in the same situation of fighting for access and living daily with the grief and pain that goes hand in hand with that. My husband was one of the fortunate ones who hung in there and stayed alive, and thankfully he did, because his daughter needed him as she grew up and moved in with us as soon as she was of age to make the decision (that was 6 year's ago she is now 18) and his son moved 2 years later (he is now 15). I can't tell you how often prior to this he had sunk to such low depths where I feared he would take his life. If he had, both his children would also have been doomed to live in persecution and without their dad. Or perhaps have been a statistic too, as a few years later both my stepchildren have acknowledged suicide crossed their minds also. My husband kept fighting to see his kids and they were able to eventually move out of their mother's house that was full of hate and pettiness and were able to escape a cruel and uncaring stepfather whose actions were encouraged and condoned by their mother. Moving to their dad's gave them a chance to live in a house where loving BOTH parents was not a crime and where because they have this love were not persecuted or their other parent vilified. For the first time in their lives they were able to enjoy access to both parents freely and without guilt or condemnation.
Kids are affected and they need healthy relationships with both parents. I have a wonderful relationship in particular with my stepdaughter, and over the years she has slowly confided in me of her feelings and about her childhood. My stepdaughter has told me her darkest moments were when she was not able to see or speak to her dad. When my stepdaughter lived with her mother and her partner she missed her dad very much and this was escaserbated by the prohibition of phone calls to or from her dad and denied access - despite having court orders for this. Her mother and her partner constantly denigrated her dad in front of her and this always flared up more when her dad was trying to see her and her brother and ring. My husband was aware of this and at times considered walking away so the kids would stop being hurt by their mum but it was his daughter who would say she couldn't bare to not see her dad and needed to know he'd always be there. At such a young age she showed maturity beyond her years sayingthat when her mum had moved away and her father couldn't see her as regularly it never stopped her mother from denigrating him, at least knowing her dad was fighting to see her gave her some happiness because she knew he loved her and soon she would see him.
My stepdaughter was forbidden to have pictures of her dad in her bedroom, and whenever she mucked up, as children naturally do, was told she had gotten the "bad" in her from her father. Every family court matter or child support matter the mother would mentally dump on her and discuss bitterly - my stepdaughter was as young as 7 when this first started. When phone access and weekend access finally was enforced my stepdaughter was told by her mother this was all her fault and how much grief her and her brother caused - making the children feel guilty for wanting to speak and see their dad. She grew up constantly hearing her mother go on and on about her father and how he was inadequate when she was married to him and was a lousy father. Her mother in the early days even went so far as to try and coerce my stepdaughter into calling her new partner 'dad' and to accept him as her father. Folk who knew my stepdaughter before she moved never guessed her heartache - her mother had always told both children what happened at their house stayed at their house. This is just some of the stuff she had to deal with, keeping in mind she was only aged between 7 years to 12 years old. I don't know how an adult would cope with that sort of intimidation and unhappiness let alone a child. The small fortune we spent on therapy was worth every cent to help her work through her issues and learn the skills necessary to cope and move forward productively. Now at 18 years of age my stepdaughter is a beautiful and happy young lady, a far cry from the young girl she was several years ago.
All I know from my stepdaughter's experience is that she needed both parents in her life, and unfortunately, living with her mum was not going to achieve that. By having her Dad she was able to move and have a relationship with both parents without condemnation and grow up without hearing how worthless her other parent (who she loves) is. My view is that for all those Dad's out there barely hanging on, there is a child barely hanging on too because they need their Dad even more (if possible) than their Dad needs them. And god willing changes will be made to accept that a father and son/daughter relationship is just as precious in its unique way as a mother and son/daughter relationship and everything should be done to protect this.
Once again, brilliant web site and service you offer...if you ever extend to .................my husband and I are more than happy to do whatever to assist. Keep up the good work!
Kind regards, xxxxxxxxxx
MERRY CHRISTMAS
JESUS CHRIST was nailed to the cross because he gave hope to the hopeless!
How many men are nailed to the cross because they are DADS?
For the second year I will not see my children for Christmas! WHY?
The Magistrates Court of Queensland accused me of DV for something I have not done, I was not heard and the allegation was not investigated. I was sentenced for two years.
The Magistrates Court of Queensland has sentenced me for a further two years based on the same false accusation. Once again no investigation. The children whose future depends on the outcome were not permitted to give evidence. Yet a lying accomplice was. The Magistrate hailed his evidence as truthful. How fickle is the SYSTEM? If there is any doubt as to honesty the children should be heard. Failing to investigate the allegations which affects the children and then passing sentence is construed as gross NEGLEGENCE!
I am “GUILTY” of what? Quote Magistrate XXXXX “Guilty for not appealing” Yet he failed to let me be heard on a false allegation which was in fact withdrawn. “Confusion”
The Magistrates Court of Queensland made the initial mistake by not investigating. Now, instead of correcting the misapprehension you compound the problem by sentencing me for a further two years.
IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN
Please! Magistrates Court of Queensland. What in God’s name are you doing to my children?
Yours in desperation
Subject: finding father
Hello,
My name is xxxxxxxxxxxx. My boyfriend is 19 years old and was separated
from his father when he was younger than 6 months old. His mother
re-married a man and when xxxxxx was diagnosed with cancer he was informed
that the man he grown up with was his step father and not his biological
father. His biological father has been made out to be a horrible figure
his whole life and he has been kept from knowing alot about his biological
Dad, it turns out his Mother was the horrible figure all along. Now xxxxx
has moved out of home he sees that there is nothing standing in the way of
him and his paternal father being reunited. Could you please assist us in
anyway possible as we have no idea where to begin.
Thankyou.
Sincerely, xxxxxxxxxxxx
Thankyou so much for your help its greatly appreciated. will let you know
how we get on.
17 December 2004, We are a take away society
By Tony Miller Dads in Distress
You wonder why. We have been telling you for 5 years now and still you don't listen
Take away the person you thought was you're soul mate for life,
Take away you're trust in people,
Take away any dignity you may have,
Take away you're self esteem,
Take away most of what you have worked for all those years,
Take away any incentive to rebuild and move on.
Take away the right to see you're children,
Take away the right for you're children to see you,
Take away you're children,
Take away you're fatherhood,
Take away you're life..........
Dads in distress Inc is calling on the Federal and State Government to deliver some substantial funding into men's health and stop throwing peanuts and expecting us to be monkeys. We have an epidemic of male suicide. We have billions of dollars being spent on women's programs, need I mention the millions spent on the domestic violence campaign alone. And rightly so, yet next to nothing is spent on Men's programs. And I am not talking about the deficit male model programs teaching dads to be better dads. You are inferring before you start that these men are less, now they are divorced or separated. I am here to tell you that just because you are a divorced or
separated dad doesn't mean you have suddenly become, less a dad.
When you try and run programs like Interrelates "Managing Anger Now", with the acronym "MAN". What are you telling us. Imagine if we had startedan anger management program for women with the acronym "WOMAN", we would be hung out to dry. Thank goodness they have seen the light....... Men are angry because you have taken their children away. Men are angry because they are back and forth through the courts in order to find a judge who will assure them that they can continue a relationship with their children. Men are angry because our children have been stolen, and we want them back. There is nothing wrong with anger, violence is the problem. Anger is an emotion that gets you to you're feet. To fight against an injustice and rightly
so........
We need research and we need $ for that research. The NSW Health 2004-2005 Men's Health Funding Round was a total of $100,000. That's One hundred thousand dollars. That's for the whole STATE. For Men's Health. What are we going to do with that? By the time that's divided up, you can forget any worthwhile long term viable project. It's seeding and it's not even enough for that. When a Women's refuge is funded at over $400,000 and that's one, in one town. Now I am not denying, that sadly they are needed. What I am saying here, is we have an unacceptable male suicide rate and we are putting bandaids on a great gaping wound.
How much is it costing now? How much does it cost for the attempted suicides? What's the cost in doctors, nurses, hospitals, ambulance etc because I can tell you there are far more attempted then successful. Thank God.
As journalist Carol Nader states in her article White Wreath Association President Fanita Clark believes the Federal Government is under reporting. We have been asking that question for years. How many death by drowning, single vehicle accidents, death by misadventure etc etc are actually suicides? We know of the reluctance to report suicide because of the implications, insurance, stigma etc. I have spoken to many men who have told me they wish to disguise their suicide in the misguided belief that it won't hurt the children if they think it's an accident.
What we need is research. The Men's Health Information & Resource Centre "MHIRC" from the University of Western Sydney have expressed interest in conducting that research over the next 6-12months. We have developed a working relationship with the centre and our groups, now let's ask the questions, lets get some real qualified research happening and get the answers. Until we do, we are not going to solve anything. We are just going to keep running around with bandaids.
Dads in distress is in the ideal position to supply the information as it is happening. We can connect with the myriad of fathers and men's groups out there and connect these men directly to the researchers. So you can stop guessing and know the real answers...........Obviously "MHIRC" cannot do this without funding. Nor can anyone else. Dids is gratefully funded by the Federal Government. This is not about funding us, it's about funding organisations that are working with men. It's about funding the people who are already at the coalface.
We are calling on the Federal and State Government to urgently fund research into:
Why this country has such an appalling male suicide rate....
The crisis with men's health in this country today.
The connection with the loss of fatherhood to suicide.
The loss of productivity in the workplace due to separation grief.
The link between suicide and separation grief. etc etc etc
Tony Miller Founder Dads in Distress
16 December 2004, Teen suicides fall but men a worry
By Carol Nader
A worrying number of men in their 30s are killing themselves even though
overall figures are down.
Australia's suicide rate has fallen steadily since peaking in 1997, but a
disturbing number of men in their 30s are killing themselves, according to
a Federal Government report.
The number of suicides fell to 2213 last year, about 100 fewer than the
2320 in 2002. Of the 2213, 78 per cent were men, according to the Bureau
of Statistics. There was a decade-high suicide figure of 2720 in 1997.
For men and women, the highest rate of suicide was observed in the 30-34
age group. For every 100,000 people in this age group, 30 men and nine
women committed suicide last year - a total of 297 people.
The rate of teenage suicide fell to its lowest in a decade, accounting for
12.7 males and 3.6 females per 100,000. The number of teenage suicides
peaked at 154 in 1997, and fell to 113 last year. Less than 2 per cent of
all deaths last year were attributed to suicide.
"Suicide continues to be a major public health issue," the report said.
"The human and economic costs are substantial."
Beyondblue clinical adviser Ian Hickie said the reduction in teenage
suicide was comforting, but the challenge now was to target men in their
30s.
"We've been preoccupied with youth suicide and have had some emphasis on
old people, but really the big group is men in the peak of their lives,
and
this should be an opportunity for us because the links between substance
abuse and depression and suicide is much more clear-cut in midlife,"
Professor Hickie said.
Australian Institute for Suicide Research and Prevention's acting director
Jacinta Hawgood said the national suicide prevention strategy appeared to
have been effective in reducing suicide, particularly among teenagers. But
White Wreath Association president Fanita Clark accused the Federal
Government of underreporting suicides, saying "our figures, even last
year, were probably about three to four times higher than what the Government
quoted".
Mrs Clark, whose organisation raises money to establish centres for the
mentally ill, said the figures had been fudged to conceal a "depleted"
mental health system. "People cannot receive any appropriate treatment,
even after an attempted suicide," she said. "In most cases they're
routinely refused hospital admission, only to complete the job."
Those needing assistance can reach Suicide Helpline Victoria on 1300 651
251, Lifeline on 131 114 (both 24-hour lines), SANE on 1800 688 382 or
Kids Help Line on 1800 551 800.
13 December 2004, Sydney Morning Herald, Grandparents suffer in family splits
By Michael Pelly
Grandparents who are concerned about the welfare of a child can do more
harm than good by applying for a residence order, according to a study of
the legal needs of older people.
The Law and Justice Foundation of NSW study also found that those who
become involved in custody battles risk losing contact with their
grandchildren and can spend up to $10,000 to win visiting rights. These
family disputes represent about 25 per cent of all matters handled by
Community Justice Centres across NSW, despite the reluctance of many
grandparents to go down that path because it involves bringing an outsider
into family issues. A large proportion of these cases are contact or
access disputes.
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, grandparents are the
main
providers of informal childcare but there is invariably a shift of this
role during marriage breakdowns.
Submissions to the study told of grandparents being denied contact during
power struggles between parents and of elderly couples separating under
the
strain of supporting their children through the courts.
Other grandparents found themselves left with small children after the
Department of Community Services pleaded with them to assume the role of
primary carer.
These grandparents can receive a non-parental care allowance, but find
they are much worse off when they have to give up work to look after the
children. There are also issues of contact with parents, which sometime
have to be supervised.
The report says: "Ill-health, frailty and possibly disability combined
with caring for children who have been through trauma, grief and anxiety about
their own futures, make the relationship of care quite distinct from that
of younger people in parenting relationships."
Prue Fairlie, of Grandparenting NSW, agrees that many are left with
impossible tasks.
"I was talking to a woman the other day and she's 82 and looking after two
small children. Their father and mother died from a drug overdose."
She questioned DOCS's assumption that kinship care is much better than
foster care.
"When I look at the whole issue of sexual abuse, it has been shown that it
is passed down through families. So if kids are moved away from sexual
abuse in their families and placed with other members of the family, the
likelihood is that some may be abused within that family as well."
The study says DOCS might withdraw from an investigation because of Family
Court involvement and has a policy of not providing case management to
children in kinship care.
One woman told the study: "I'm caring for my two grandchildren, aged 7 and
4. DOCS never checked me out or checked out the children. I called DOCS.
They said the children were in family care, they were all right, they were
safe. I said 'How do you know?' "
Feedback to this story
Tony,
My partners mother recived a phone call from her grandaughter on Christmas
Day, (more than her father did, I may add.) Be that as it may, she wasnt
even on the phone for 2 minutes when she heard the childs mother yelling
at her to get off the phone.
I cant understand the mentality of some women who think they are winning
some sort of points by not allowing their children to be part of any of
the ex spouses' family.
Each day I learn that people can be cruel and wonder what sort of morals
and values these women are teaching their children.
It was very hurtful for me to watch partner on Christmas day knowing that
he has a child AND COURT ORDERS TO SEE THAT CHILD, only its not worth the
piece of paper its written on. I am very disillusioned with the whole
thing. I can NOW understand why some dads just walk away......Its too hard
not only for them but for the stress that is put on the child.
Yours Bewildered
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear Tony,
It saddens me to read the stories and articles of dads and grandparents
being denied access to their own flesh and blood through nothing but
bitterness and power games on the other parties behalf.
I am however at the other end of the spectrum. I am a single mum of one
daughter who has never denied my ex access and who has always been
flexible and accommodating as I have my daughters best interests at heart.
I would also like to add that in my situation it is in fact my ex who
plays the power games, constantly threatening to take me to court, and for
breaching consent orders. If breaching a consent order includes ringing
15 min late cause late home from work, well yes I am guilty of this. I am
sure most of your fathers would be very happy if this was all they had to put
up with. I get abused over these little things, threatened and accused of
playing games! This is very up setting and hard not to get a little
disollusioned. All I ask is for a little respect for being the wonderful
mum I am and not being the wicked ex who uses the child as the pawn.......
It seems sometimes that no matter what we do it is never good enough or
the right thing. It is very hard when you are not respected for doing the
right thing. I soldier on and keep doing the right thing because it is about my
daughter not me :-)
There are women out there who do do the right thing and I would just like
to send this message for a little bit of hope and I so hope that we are the
majority not the minority :-). It is about what is best for the child and
part of that is the child having an active role in their fathers life and
vise versa.
It is sad but as the saying goes, "The nice guy never wins"
To all you nice guys out there my thoughts are with you and you will
prosper eventually :-)
Regards
nice girl
Dear Tony,
It amazes me how easily I can relate to the below story. It seems that
many women who might be a different race, different age or different religion,
who do not know each other at all, can all behave exactly the same way
when it comes to the children.... SELFISH and CRUEL.
My husband has two children with his ex partner. He does not receive
birthday cards, Easter cards or Xmas cards. He never ever receives a
Fathers Day card. Yet if my husband was to not send the children a birthday card
or Xmas present, he is the worst person that ever walked this earth. If my
husband is a day late in paying child support, he is called and harrassed
by the CSA staff.
Why I ask does nobody call his ex partner and harrasses her for not
allowing my husband to see his children. Why is this issue so one-sided?
I am police officer and I attend many domestic disputes. I am constantly
reminding my work partners that there is always two sides to every story
as it seems that we are taught throughout our lives that women are always the
victims.
I ask you who was the victim this Xmas? My husbands ex who bought god only
knows what with her child support payments, watched the excitement on the
childrens faces as they opened their presents and shared the magical
experience with them? Or my husband, who spent another Xmas wondering what
he did that was so wrong to be punished the way he is being punished.
We have a child together who is 6 months old and I see what a wonderful
father he is. I used to only think "Oh my poor husband, not being able to
see his children", but now I know, "Oh those poor children who are missing
out on having a fantastic father"
Some women are too cruel..
Thanking you
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
11 December 2004, Non-Custodial Parents Party, Nicholson - Still a Problem
By John Flanagan
The former Chief Justice of the Family Court of Australia, Alastair Nicholson, has spoken out on the proposed family reforms of the Howard government at the North Sydney Domestic Violence Forum.
In his speech the former Chief Justice has failed to appreciate that the Family Court is part of the problem rather than part of the solution. The former Chief Justice has not answered the question. Why would a young person with a lucrative career risk losing 70 to 80 per cent of his or her assets by getting married?
After divorce and separation, there is a direct link between the custody
of the children and the subsequent financial gain to one of the parents.
Custody of children and the financial gain is a win-lose situation in
our Family Court system - less than two (2) per cent of court orders are
made for joint custody.
To ensure success, one party (normally the mother) makes an
application for a domestic violence order. This is often done on the
advice of friends and perhaps some of the misguided members of the
legal fraternity
No one supports anyone that is guilty of a crime of violence. However an
easily gained domestic violence order will give one parent an advantage
in a custody dispute. This greatly then assists that parent to obtaining
a financial advantage over the other parent.
The procedure to obtain sole custody of the children and then win
financial benefits is set out below.
-
An application for a domestic violence order is made in the local
court or at the local police station.
-
The police with their limited resources will usually not investigate
the allegations.
-
When the matter comes to court, the police prosecutor will then
pressure the alleged offender to accept a domestic violence order
"without admission". This is first part of the procedure completed.
-
Once this order has been made, the initiating parent will then make
an application for residence and contact orders in the Family Court.
-
Under section 68F of the Family Law Act, any issues of violence will
be sufficient reason to restrict contact by the Family Court. The
initiating parent then obtains court orders for sole custody of the
children.
In the case of a couple with three children, the custodial parent (in
about 90 per cent of the cases, it is the wife) will get 70 to 80 per
cent of the couple's combined assets (including superannuation).
The non-custodial parent then has to pay child support to the custodial
parent until at least the children turn 18 years old (and sometimes
older). Child support for three children is assessed by the Government
at 34 per cent of gross income (less an exempt amount of $12,000).
Direct and indirect taxes already account for 50 per cent of a normal
person's income. Therefore it makes it virtually impossible for a
non-custodial parent to get a loan from a bank or a financial
institution to even get on with their life.
The latest statistics available show that in 2001, there were 55,300
divorces granted, the highest number in the last 20 years. In the same
year, there were 103,100 marriages registered in Australia, the lowest
number since 1978.
Because of the current situation, which the former Chief Justice,
Alistair Nicholson hopes to maintain, people are simply deciding that it
is foolish to get married. The latest marriage and divorce statistics
indicate that a lot of people are shrewdly taking this approach.
John Flanagan,
Deputy Registered Officer,
Non-Custodial Parents Party.
Email: ncpp@xisle.info
10 December 2004, A case of Once Upon a time.....
By Tony Miller Dads in Distress
I do not wish to pursue my contact in an adversarial way. I would like to believe that our justice system would see through this tit for tat scenario.
I am simply a father who wants to continue a relationship with his son and wants nothing more than what his son wants, to be happy, and to be allowed that relationship. If that meant bowing out of his life than I would do so. The life he now has is tragedy enough without me adding to that burden.
In some states of America the justice system seems to favour what they call "parallel" parenting which means that regardless of the parents being in conflict the court looks at each parents ability to facilitate 50/50, regardless of their own conflict.
I can facilitate 7 days on 7 off. I live in the same town, I am able to care, cook, clean, help him with his homework etc and deliver and pick him up from school and above all give him the love of his father.
This is what HE wants.
Australia favours the "Collaborative" system which says my ex wife and myself should be able to work together on our parenting roles. We should be able to collaborate. If we could do that than possibly we wouldn't of divorced in the first place. We wouldn't be asking the court to settle our dispute.
As I work in the field I am constantly told by fathers that their lawyers have told them to dig up mud. To go tit for tat. One cancels out the other one. You have to be adversarial. Yet in order to get 50 /50 in this country we are told we basically need to be best of friends, we need to agree, we need to collaborate.
At what point doesn't the justice system understand the reason we are before them in the first place, we cannot. That's why we are here asking them to sort out the mess. When we get a lawyer, they tell us to be adversarial, when we get to court they tell us if you want 50/50 be best of friends. "Be collaborative".
Cannot you see that you are creating the very thing that keeps us away from our children. What do we do?????
Again I simply say I am a father who wishes to continue his relationship with his son. A father who's son wishes to continue his relationship with his dad. I have no ill feeling towards my ex wife. I do not wish to enter a tit for tat adversarial scenario. Regardless of what is thrown at me. I want to see my son, he wants to see me, my ex wishes this to be minimal.
My belief is, this is because a monetary value has been placed on my children's head. The more one has the children in their possession the more one gets remuneration. I am standing before you asking for justice, asking for a fair go. This country was renowned for giving people a fair go,once upon a time.
The Attorney General has released a discussion paper on Family Law reform.
Take the time, read it and put a submission in.
The discussion paper is available at
www.ag.gov.au
Think about parallel parenting. Why can't it work here?
We are coming up to Christmas, many dads won't be seeing their kids for Christmas, someone else may be handing out the presents from under the tree this year.
While you are having Christmas dinner or while you are handing out the presents to your kids, spare a thought and give them an extra hug from us.
Just because you're a divorced or separated dad doesn't mean you're less a dad.
The domestic violence campaign has been rammed down our throat in television, print, etc. And rightly so, any decent dad abhors domestic violence but little has been spent on domestic violence perpetrated on men. It's a violence that is often overlooked, that is often unspoken because of the stigma, because of the disbelief, because of the John Wayne theory of I'm tough, I'm a man, I can handle it and yet in reality I am just too ashamed to admit that I am the one who was abused. And while we are on the subject of violence and abuse, what could be more violent or abusive than to deny one their own children.
We go to war over our children everyday in the family law court of Australia. Everyday someone loses. Mostly it's our children.
Do you realise as a male, as a father in this country today, that the moment you separate from your wife for whatever reason, could be she has just found another love, could be he has, could be any reason, if you as a male wish to see your children and your wife doesn't wish you to, you need to get orders. And quick.
You need to seek out a lawyer unless you are brave enough to represent yourself. Basically if your wife doesn't want to give the children to you, even fortnightly access, you have got Buckley's, until you get in the court system. And then the normal is every 2nd weekend and half the holidays if you are lucky.
And we know this can be done in reverse but once in court we also know what will happen.
You know we have a small window of opportunity when our children want to spend time with us. It's a time when they don't need to make choices. They love both mum and dad. Divorce or separation affects all around it. They will grow up too quick. Before long they will be seeking their own independence. Before long they will want to spend their time with mates or girlfriends or boyfriends rather than mum or dad. It's this small window of opportunity we are fighting for in this family law reform. Don't let it pass without having you're say. Don't tear another child away from his or her dad.
Tony Miller Founder Dads in Distress
Determination, patience and courage are the only things needed to improve any situation. And, if you want a situation changed badly enough, you will find these three things..........Anonymous.
09 December 2004, Deutsche Welle (Germany), Who's Your Daddy?
DW Staff
Father's rights groups in Germany are fighting to retain their right to
have secret paternity tests without a mother's permission. They say it is
the only way to combat "paternity fraud."
In a debate over paternity tests in Germany - father's rights groups are
lobbying to block proposed legislation banning secret tests without the
mother's permission - advocates are employing increasingly alarmist
arguments. One group, the Network for Paternity Tests, claims on its Web
site that making the tests illegal would lead to an increase in incest
between half brothers and sisters who don't know they're related.
But the core of their argument, that fathers have a right to know if the
child they have been supporting financially and come to think of their own
is in fact their biological offspring, is gaining sympathy. German
politicians and medical ethicists are divided, and it is not certain that
the new legislation proposed by the ruling coalition of Social Democrats
and Greens will be passed.
A fringe issue steals spotlight
The debate began quietly in 2003, when as part of a larger packet of
legislation intended to curb the misuse of diagnostic tests by employers
and other interested parties, the German Justice Minister Brigitte Zypries
decided to address the increasing number of anonymous paternity tests
procured by fathers without the mother's permission.
In her opinion, such tests threatened the integrity of the family, many of
which break up after a negative result, and violated the rights of a child.
"Secret paternity tests violate the rights of the child and the mother,"
she said. "They also violate data protection laws."
According to Zypries and her supporters, which include prominent Green
parliamentarians, the rights of the child supersede the rights of the
father.
Fathers fight for their rights
A growing movement of father's rights advocates in Germany, who have united
under the banner The Network for Paternity Tests and launched a Web site at
pro-test.net, take issue with Zypries' line of argument. They have started
a grassroots effort, complete with buttons and bumper stickers, to block
the legislation.
With a few Christian Democratic and Free Liberal politicians currently in
the German opposition coming out on their side, the movement is gathering
steam.
Incest claims
In addition to arguments stressing a father's right to know, the network
opposing the legislation has made some other fairly remarkable claims. They
say banning the paternity tests could result in an alarming rise in incest,
since half brothers and sisters - who are not aware they are related - may
become involved.
The group also claims so-called "test tourism" could mushroom, much like
the abortion tourism which became prevalent in the 1970s when German women
who were prevented from having abortions at home travelled to the more
liberal Holland.
They also counter advocates' claims that secret paternity tests endanger
the rights of the child and break up families. In their view, it is far
more harmful for children to grow-up in a family held together by a web of
lies.
09 December 2004, The Hon. Joe Hockey, Administrative changes in Human Services
The Minister for Human Services, Joe Hockey, today announced administrative changes to the agencies within the Department of Human Services that reflect the Government's commitment to improving service delivery and developing a consistent culture across the $80 billion Human Services portfolio.
"The current Managing Director of the Health Insurance Commission (HIC), Jeff Whalan, will replace Sue Vardon as the new Chief Executive Officer of Centrelink," Mr Hockey said.
"Mr Whalan brings to Centrelink a wealth of experience in the management of service delivery. He has a solid mix of policy experience and strong administrative skills, having been a Deputy Secretary in the Department of the Prime Minister and Cabinet, the Department of Defence and the Department of Family and Community Services.
"With his most recent experience in the HIC, he will also continue to play a crucial role in the establishment of the new Department of Human Services. The appointment of Mr Whalan does not require approval of the Executive Council and he will commence his new position from Friday 10 December.
"I propose to recommend to the Governor-General-In-Council that Catherine Argall be appointed Managing Director of the HIC. Catherine is currently the General Manager of the Child Support Agency and her proposed appointment is contingent upon the approval of the Executive Council.
"Cathy Argall brings very substantial experience in public service to the position of Managing Director of the Health Insurance Commission. Over a career of 30 years Cathy has served in a variety of positions in a range of departments including Finance, Veterans' Affairs and Administrative Services and she was awarded the Public Service Medal in 1995.
"We are moving forward on the Government's election commitments to bring about improved customer service delivery and that the Department is developing a culture of cross-fertilisation between the agencies.
"The new Department of Human Services, covering Centrelink, Health Insurance Commission, Child Support Agency, CRS Australia, Health Services Australia and Australian Hearing is at the forefront of efforts by the Government to consider service delivery issues up front, when policy is first being designed," Joe Hockey said.
Media contact: Sasha Grebe, 0437 978 028
03 December 2004, Sydney Morning Herald, Stays with parent help after divorce
By Lauren Martin
Making breakfast makes a difference to your relationship with your
children after divorce. So does lying around watching the final of
Australian Idol, getting the bathwater right, or fighting about going
to bed.
Research by the University of Sydney professors Judy Cashmore and
Patrick Parkinson, who is steering the Federal Government's changes in
family law, has found that divorced parents and their non-resident
children form stronger relationships where they have overnight stays
and not just daytime visits together.
The research also shows that overnight contact has "no downside for
the resident parent", usually the mother.
"If you think about intact family life, so much happens in casual
interactions," Dr Parkinson said yesterday. "It rings true to me why
overnight stays are so important."
Dr Parkinson said a day visit to the park had high entertainment
value, but research worldwide was showing that activities such as
"bathing kids, lying around watching television, seeing the final of
Australian Idol" were important in ensuring that parents were not just
visitors but people who could set boundaries and be strong in the
parental role.
The study, which is scheduled for publication in the US next year,
found that "mums don't lose when dads spend more time with their
kids".
After studying 60 parents and adolescents, Dr Cashmore, Dr Parkinson
and Alan Taylor of Macquarie University found that adolescents who
stayed overnight felt closer to their non-resident parents.
They also felt those parents were more involved with their children's
lives. Adolescents who regularly stayed overnight reported that their
non-resident parent knew who their friends were, what they did most
afternoons and how they were getting on at school.
But this did not diminish the relationship with their resident parent,
who tended to be closer to them and knew more about their lives.
Almost a quarter of the adolescents surveyed never stayed overnight
with their non-resident parent.
Dr Parkinson said resistance to overnight contact was often because of
a lack of trust by the other parent, "possibly for very good reason".
The Attorney-General, Philip Ruddock, released a discussion paper in
November on reform proposals that would
encourage shared parenting. He invited comments by the middle of next
month before the Government takes action.
02 December 2004, Shared Parenting Council of Australia
Experts agree children need both parents
At last some support for separated fathers who have always known in their hearts that seeing their children once a fortnight was meaningless, both for them and for their children. Last year, at a summit on fatherhood in Oxford, England, two internationally recognised parenting experts, Adrienne Burgess and Graham Russell cited the results of recent US research which showed that children of all ages, even infants and babies, need to see their non-residential fathers as often as possible.
It was frequent and regular contact or access that resulted in positive benefits for the children of separated parents For very young children, that means being with their fathers often and for short periods For older children, longer periods of involved interaction.
The most commonly imposed program of father-contact, fortnightly access, was found to be of little use to children, and in some cases, harmful and confusing. In one study, young adults voiced their dissatisfaction with that regime.
In fact the research results showed that fortnightly contact does not contribute positively to the wellbeing of young adults. Experts now agree that for contact to enhance the personal development of a child, father and child need to take part, regularly, in a whole range of everyday activities, not just having fun but doing homework, cooking, cleaning, going to bed, getting up in the morning, talking together. Anything less is meaningless and artificial.
Many experts now agree that joint legal custody and substantial parenting time with both parents is the ideal arrangement for separated families.
The Shared Parenting Council of Australia supports the proposals for reform of the family law system contained in the Attorney General's Discussion Paper. The insertion of a rebuttable presumption of joint parental responsibility in the Family Law Act, and the move towards equal parenting time, will strengthen the obligation of separated parents to put the needs of their children ahead of their own.
The Shared Parenting Council urges the government to make all necessary amendments to sections 60B,61A-D,68F and other relevant sections of the Family Law Act. Of particular importance will be definitions of "entrenched conflict" and "a starting point of 50/50 shared time parenting" as outlined in recommendation #5 of the parliamentary report on joint custody.
The Council believes that the establishment of Family Relationship Centres will do much to assist separated couples plan sensibly for life after divorce and keep them from the harmful effects of the adversarial court process. But proper funding and resources will be needed if these Centres are going to provide the quality services that families rely on early in their separation.
For further information:
President: Michael Green QC 0419 407 289
Federal Director: Edward Dabrowski 0409 917 345
Dads In Distress is funded by the Australian Federal Government.
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